Feel Again
by cagedwriter32
Summary: Romano Vargas lost his memory and cant even remember his own name, Antonio his boyfriend blames himself for the memory loss and is desperate to help Romano recover it. but can he make him remember his love? and can he make Romano forgive him?
1. Chapter 1

**So I decided to start and new fanfic! I will finish the other one promise! But here is the new one hope you enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything! AND mild language.**

* * *

_Floating in darkness._

_Nothing but stars and me._

_But yet I longed for something._

_Or someone._

_I wanted him._

_But I didn't know who he was._

_I don't even know who I am._

_But I know I want him with all my heart._

_I want him to hold me and kiss me and whisper stupid idiotic things in my ear._

_But who is he?_

_Who am I?_

_After what seemed like forever a large star began to flash,_

_As it beckoning me…_

_Like an idiot I pushed past other stars and reached for the star._

_Just…_

_One…_

_More… inch…_

* * *

I woke up with long, thick tubes attached to my arm. I shook my head and winced in pain, I was dripping with sweat and my hands were intertwined with the blue blanket over me. "Where the hell am I?" I asked although I could see no one around me. The room I was in was small and painted white. Four chairs lined up perfectly next to a large window that took up most of the wall. A tall man with perfectly tanned skin and bright green happy eyes flooded into the room. "Lovi?!" He chuckled tears filling his eyes, he quickly ran to me and pulled me into a tight hug. "Who the hell are you?!" I yelled and pushed him away, I could feel my cheeks burning. "L-Lovi?" He choked. "No… No Lovi you know me!" He shook my shoulders. "No I don't! I don't! Let go of me I don't know you!" I screamed and pushed him away. His bright happy eyes filled with regret and sadness.

"Lovi… my beautiful Lovi…" he mumbled and stared at me tears spilling on to his cheeks. "Doesn't even know my name…"

"Antonio~" A cheerful voice called from the hallway.

In walked a thing boy that looked like he was only 16 or so, he wore a huge smile yet his eyes told a different story. At his side was a tall broad shoulder man with slicked back blonde hair and sea blue eyes, I already hated him. I felt like I needed to know these people. Like I needed to love them and hold them, but I didn't even know they're names.

"FRATELLO!" The small boy shouted and hugged me tightly and began to cry rivers. "I thought I would never see you again after the car accident, and the doctor said you wouldn't ever wake up but obviously he lied to us and you're awake! But he also said if you were to wake up ever you probably won't know who I am but you know me right fratello?" the small boy released me and I gasped for air after a moment of his wide brown eyes staring me down I turned to him. "I'm sorry… who are you?" I asked. "Ha ha very funny Lovino! I thought you were serious!"

The room fell silent and the tan man began to sob in one of the four chairs next to the window. The only thing that could be heard the constant beeping of the heart monitor.

"H-He knows who I am right Antonio?" the boy asked tears now whelming in his eyes.

The tan man who I now knew as Antonio shook his head.

The boy backed away from the bed slowly like I had the plague and into the blonde man's arms. "Luddy… He doesn't know me… He…" The boy sobbed into "Luddy's" arms. "I know Feliciano… it's gonna be ok I promise." Luddy nodded in reassurance to Feliciano.

Antonio looked at me as if pleading to have some memory of him even if it was short or the worse memory, just something other than a blank piece of paper.

Feliciano stared at us for a moment and then back at Luddy. "Luddy and I are going out into the hallway ok Antonio?" Antonio nodded slowly as Feliciano and Luddy exited the room.

An awkward silence fell over the room as he stared at me intently.

"Stop staring at me idiot!" I yelled after at least five unbearable minutes passed.

"I love you Lovino."

I stared at him in disbelief. My heart was pounding hard and I continued to stare at him until he grabbed my hand and kissed it with tears still streaming down my face.

"I'm so sorry Antonio… I just… I don't know you… I only know your name because of the fact that that Feliciano kid said it… I am sorry."

He bit his lip and stared at me for a long moment before letting go of my hand and standing up. My heart dropped, I grabbed his hand again I don't know why but ever since I first saw him walk through the door I wasn't scared anymore. I felt safe and I didn't want that to end.

"I know it's not your fault… it's my fault I should never had… I just love you… please… please just know I love you." He sat back down only inches from my face. I nodded slowly. "You're a real idiot." I mumbled and turned my head so he didn't see me blush.

"Oh god… you didn't change… thank god." He chuckled. "Now that your awake I am sure we can get you outta here soon." He smiled widely and wiped away his tears. I don't know why but when he cried I felt like I had just kicked a new born baby. Judging by the fluttering in my stomach when he smiled I was in love with him too before all this.

* * *

"_FINE THEN LEAVE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" A man who had shaggy brown hair and looked a lot like Feliciano shouted at another who was tall and tan standing by the door. I couldn't tell who they were because of the dark shadows over they're features. But what I could tell from the voice that spoke he was sobbing. _

"_I don't want to leave!" the other snapped._

"_THEN WHY DON'T I JUST LEAVE?!" the sobbing man cried._

"_Lovi! Don't go please I love you!" the other pleaded._

_My heart sank as the dark shadow slowly faded away from the two faces. Antonio and what must have been myself. I looked scared. Like a child lost at the super market desperate for his mother, or in this case Antonio. _

_I shook my head why would I do that to Antonio? Why would I want to leave him? From what I was witnessing he loved me and I loved him… why would I just leave? _

_Ii tried to move forward but my body wouldn't let me. 'Just watch...' a voice in the back of my head whispered._

"_I am leaving whether you fucking like It or not." The other me cried and moved towards the door._

"_Please… no Lovi I am nothing without you don't leave me." Antonio pleaded and grabbed the other me's hand pulling him away from the door._

"_I'm sure your precious Bella could easily replace me." Lovi said bitterly._

_And without another word the other me left Antonio who looked like he was being ripped apart from the inside out._

* * *

I woke up shaking and pulled my legs up into a hug gently rocking back and forth. I didn't know why that hurt me so bad it was just a dream… right?

Some part of me told me that that was no dream. But I would never want to do that to Antonio; although I barely knew the guy, I figured he loved me a lot and I just broke him without even looking back.

But why would he even want to see my face ever again? Why would he want to visit me in the hospital? Maybe that was just the first time he came. Maybe he came out of guilt. Maybe it was all just a dream.

My thoughts were interrupted as a loud snore from the corner of the room caught my attention.

"H-Hello?" I sniffled quickly wiping away the tears left over from the dream.

"L-Lovi…. W-Why…"

It was Antonio. Why was he in my room at…?

I looked at the clock. It was two in the fucking morning and he was sleeping in a chair that fucking idiot!

I got up out of my bed and walked over to Antonio. Most of my IV's were taken out. I wonder when that I happened…

"Toni." I said softly hoping all the nurses were gone so they didn't see me out of my bed.

Antonio stirred for a moment and went back to mumbling. Soon tears began to drip down his cheek.

"Toni." I repeated shaking him slightly. "Wake up!" I whisper screamed.

His eyes blinked open slowly and came into focus.

"Lovi! Why are you out of your bed?!" Antonio asked wide eyed.

"I'm fine you fucking bastard. Why are you sleeping in a chair?!" I demanded. "And crying for the matter."

Antonio avoided my eyes and looked at the bed. "Lovi go back to bed I am fine."

I frowned. "Obviously not you're the one who was crying in your sleep!"

He stood up and looked down at me. "Was not." He chuckled and picked me up bridal style, and carefully carried me to bed.

"Put me down you stupid Bastard!" I yelled.

"Tsk tsk little Lovi you barely know me don't call me such rude things."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up I have the right to freedom of speech."

"You sound like Alfred." Yet another name I felt like I should have known but I couldn't place it anywhere in the jumble of information running through my head.

"Who?" I asked dumbly.

Antonio frowned and laid me in bed. "Need a cuddle buddy?" He smiled brightly changing the subject.

"Hell no." I rolled my eyes.

"Aw..." Antonio pouted.

I thought back to moments ago when Antonio was crying and a sting of regret punched me in the gut.

"Lay down idiot." I growled. "As long as you tell me why you were sleep crying."

Antonio carefully laid next to me and wrapped his arms around me. It felt weird I must admit mostly because I didn't remember this man at all and now I was cuddling with him. But I figured he need this, he needed me right now.

"Well I was having a dream that's all little tomate. Don't worry about me." He whispered sweetly into my ear that sent shivers down my spine.

Man this guy. If I loved him before he must have been a super genius. Maybe he was planning on making me fall again… that ridiculous! Why would I be in love! I barely know him! He seems like a huge idiot… with a big bright smile… and perfect emerald eyes… shut up stupid idiotic brain!  
"Lovi?"

I was snapped out of my argument with myself by Antonio's soft voice.

"Yes?" I answered as casual as possible.

"You spaced out." He chuckled.

I nodded slowly. Antonio sighed longingly. I wish I knew him, I wish I knew everything about him and me. But I don't and I think that hurts Antonio more than it hurts me, which upsets me because he doesn't deserve someone like me… he deserves someone who remembers him, who can truly say 'I love you with all my heart' every morning. But then again maybe that's what he wants from me. Maybe he want me to wake up with him in a large open room cuddled all up in his arms and whisper that every morning. Maybe he wants me to do that with our kids and grandkids… maybe I will do that… I smiled to myself at that thought, my inner sap was getting the best of me and I loved it, I mean I hated every bit of it. (Liar…)

"Lovi… I know I must be confusing you… and making this really hard for you but I want you to know I still love you more than anything else in this entire world…. And I hope you sleep well… and I hope you remember me one day but I will wait every day of my life if I have to until you remember… because I. love. You."


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up with arms around me I began to panic. "Oi! Bastard!" I whisper screamed in Antonio's ear. Antonio nuzzled into my neck and sighed happily. "Morning Lovi~" I could feel him smile against my skin.

"GET OUT OF MY BED!" I demanded.

"Loviiiiiii!" Antonio whined. "I just want to cuddle with you~"

I got the feeling Antonio didn't even remember that he was still a stranger to me. "Antonio I barely know you!" Antonio frowned and sat up. "Oh… yeah…" he sighed and got out of the bed. Antonio was so warm I didn't even realize how cold the room was until Antonio left.

Antonio walked back to the chair he slept in most of the night. "Sorry Lovi…" he said sadly and sat down.

I frowned, man this guy knew how to make me feel guilty.

After a long moment of Antonio staring at me I looked down at my hands.

"Why do you call me Lovi? Is that my name? Or is it a nickname?" I asked quietly avoiding Antonio's eyes.

"Your name is Lovino, But your my Lovi." He replied and chuckled slightly.

"And who was that boy yesterday?"

"Feli? Oh… He is your brother, younger of course…"

"And the blonde?"

"Ludwig, he is kinda like your brother's boyfriend.." Antonio laughed.

"What's so funny?" I demanded.

"Its just… You have always hated Ludwig."

I thought for a moment, that's why I felt like I should hiss at Ludwig when he entered the room.

"And who are you to me? My friend? Friend with benefits? Boyfriend? Fiancé?"

He looked down sadly at his hands and didn't answer.

"Antonio?"

He shook his head.

"Sorry I didn't mean to strike a nerve…"

Antonio looked up at me.

"All of the above?" he muttered.

"Huh?!" I asked semi alarmed, I didn't want to let him down and be forced into marriage with someone I barely even knew!

"W-when I… asked you to marry me… that was the day of the accident… you never answered me…"

Antonio looked like he was about to cry, I didn't know what to say. 'dude its ok ill still marry you.' Was not really an option.

"Hey… its ok." I said softly.

He looked up at me with a quivering lip.

"Don't worry, I'm sure one day I'll remember you… and then we can get married ok?"

Antonio smiled and nodded.  
"T-Thank y-you l-lovi!" he cried and wrapped his arms around me.

"I-I love y-you so so so much." He muttered into my ear.

"Yeah yeah I know that's the only thing I can be sure of right now…"

*LATER THAT DAY AT THE FRONT DESK OF THE HOSPITAL*

"Ok ! your all set! You can leave now with… Mr…" the nurse stared down at the paper very confused.

"Carr…e… do?"

Antonio stepped forward and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

"It's Carriedo." He chuckled.

"Ok well just sign right… here."

Antonio quickly scribbled his name down and smiled at me.

"Ok you two! Go one and get outta here!" the nurse chuckled and turned back to the front desk.

Antonio grabbed my hand and quickly led me out of hospital, I didn't protest his hand being intertwined with mine but I could feel my cheeks burn a bright red.

"I cant wait to finally bring you home again…" Antonio smiled widely and opened the passenger door for me.

"Why is that?" I asked curiously.

"Lovi," he frowned and looked at me with a very seriously. "You were in the hospital for 3 months..." he gulped.

I got into the car and frowned at myself. What the hell did I do to this guy? The poor guy cried every time I even asked about myself… if I died… I don't know where this guys would end up.

Antonio stood outside of the car for a moment and then got into the car.

The car was small and low to the ground and sounded like a lawn mower when it roared to life.

"Toni?" I looked over to him.

He looked back at me and grinned. "Toni? Not tomato bastard? Not Antonio?" he asked excitedly like he expected me to remember everything.

"S-shut up." I growled and turned back to my window.

"Awwww… Lovi what were you going to say? You can tell me!"

"Shut up your voice is gonna break the glass!" I exclaimed.

He chuckled and stared at the road concentrating intensely.

"I wanted to know… if you.. uh…" I shook my head. "Never mind."

I wanted to know where I lived, where did I sleep? Did he have his own room? Did we sleep together? I paused and blushed darkly. Did we SLEEP together?!

Antonio chuckled and waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"Lovi~ you ok?" he hummed happily.

"Shut up! Both hands on the wheel idiot!" I yelled and tried to hide my blush with my hands.

Antonio laughed.

"Coming from the one who was put in a coma from a car crash."

I was silent and glared at Antonio.

"Has anyone ever told you to shut the fuck up?"

"You have many times my love." He smiled and kissed my cheek.

He… kissed…. My... cheek…

It took me a long minute to process what he did and when it finally clicked I punched him hard in the arm.

"DON'T DO THAT!" I yelled and somehow managed to blush a darker shade of red then I was before.

Antonio grinned widely and kissed my cheek again, this time getting suspiciously closer to my lips.

"Lovi~" he giggled like a stupid school girl.

"You look like a tomato!" he exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes and tried to only focus on the window.

Focus…

Don't let the stupid bastard distract you…

What the hell..?

I tapped Antonio's arm and scooted farther away from the window.

"A-Antonio…" I stuttered.

"What? Oh…" Antonio chuckled and rolled down the window.

Outside on the side of the road was a naked albino man with shiny white hair and a bottle of beer, next to him was a tall blonde man with cat ears on and a rose covering an area I am glad I didn't see.

"OI!" the blonde shouted and ran towards the car.

"GIL, ITS TONI!" he shouted at the albino.

"TONI! AND LOVI..." the albino shouted and raised his arms in the air.

"Hey mi amigos!" Antonio chuckled and smiled at me. "Lovi this is Francis," he gestured to the blonde man who stared at Antonio obviously confused. "And this is Gilbert." He moved his gesture in the direction of the naked albino.

They both waved and smiled at me. "Hello Lovi they said in unison."

I frowned, I could already tell I hated these people.

"So guys…" Antonio chuckled awkwardly. "What happened to your clothes?"

They both looked at each other and then at Antonio.

"THE BAR!" Gilbert exclaimed.

They both broke out into loud giggles.

"Dude! You were gone for so long we figured you died of something!" Gilbert slurred his words obviously intoxicated.

"Yes! Where were you Toni? Did you and Lovi go somewhere… exotic?" Francis wiggled his eyebrows.

I glared at the man and tried to hide behind Antonio.

"Francis… I told you what happened… the car accident." Antonio said quietly, probably hoping I didn't hear him.

"OH!" Francis frowned. "So he doesn't remember anything?" he stared directly at me and turned to gilbert.

"That's so unawesome…" gilbert sighed. "Can we crash at your place?" Francis asked out of the blue. "Mon ami, we have nowhere else to go… and no on else to love us!" francis sighed dramatically and smirked at Antonio. "Fine!" Antonio chuckled. "Get in, just don't make me regret it."

Gilbert and Francis both got into the car and smiled.

"Us do something regretful?"

When we finally approached a small house, that seemed to be in the middle of nowhere and looked like it was built for a huge family, Antonio stopped the car and smiled at me. "This is home." He chuckled. "It's not much but it was your father's house so you wanted to live here, and I didn't want to say no."

Gilbert and Francis ran out of the car and into the house quickly, leaving me and Antonio alone in the car.

"They just welcome themselves in…" I growled and glared at the two who had somehow managed to get inside.

Antonio stared at me and smiled.

"Stop staring at me goddammit!" I shouted and blushed lightly.

"But Lovi! I haven't gotten to take you home in forever!" he whined.

"I don't even remember you!" I snapped and got out of the car.

Antonio sat in the car with a shocked expression.

When I go inside the two monsters were sprawled across a couch that was placed perfectly in the center of the room. "Lovi!" Gilbert smirked. "Wanna sit on my lap?" He winked. I choked in disgust and snarled at him. "WHO THE HELL ARE YOU ANYWAY?!" I shouted.

They both looked up at me quite surprised.

"Whoa calm down… I was just joking Lovino." Gilbert chuckled awkwardly as Antonio entered the house.

"What's going on?" Antonio asked and stared at me.

"Nothing." I growled.

Antonio sighed.

"Will you two go into the guest room, please?"

Gilbert and Francis groaned and trudged to the guest room.

I turned to Antonio.

"Listen idiot, I am not sleeping in same bed as you, I am not 'cuddling' with you. I am not kissing you. And I certainly will not be talking to you for the next hour or so. I am going to seep." I folded my arms over my chest.

Antonio nodded. "O-ok..." he frowned and turned away from me.

"The bedroom is over here, I'll sleep on the couch for the time being to make you comfortable…"

He muttered and walked towards a small room at the end of a narrow hallway. I followed closely behind Antonio.

Once we got to the bedroom Antonio moved some things off of the bed and gestured for me to enter the room.

I flopped onto the bed and close my eyes.

"You can leave now.." I growled after a moment of him staring at me.

"Oh.. Ok…"

When Antonio finally left I frowned at myself. Why was I pushing Antonio away? Why couldn't I just let him hug and cuddle me? Because I don't know him. I don't know him at all. I don't even know myself.

I wish I knew him it would make life easier.

An hour passed of me staring at the wall and mentally slapping myself around and a knock at the door startled me.

"Come in." I muttered, to my surprise Gilbert walked in.

"What the hell man?!" Gilbert growled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews even if there are only 5 it makes me feel happy **

**So here you go! Chapter three!**

I was quite surprised at the albino and his loud outburst.

All though I had only known him for about 4 hours. And he was already screaming at me like I was his own flesh and blood.

"I mean seriously! I can't believe you! He just wants to love you! You won't even let him do that?! Are you fucking kidding me?! It's so unbelievable that you of all people would make Antonio crack! Some fucking scary shit just went down out there and it's your fault!"

I stared at Gilbert for a long moment not processing at all what was going on, thank fucking god he had clothes on now and looked somewhat sober.

"What do you mean?" I asked dumbly.

"TONI! HE CAME OUT THERE AND STARTED SOBBING! I HAVENT EVER, EVER SEEN TONI CRY NOT ONCE IN MY 13 YEARS OF KNOWING HIM! HE DOESN'T CRY HE IS ALL RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES SO WHEN MY BEST FRIEND COMES OUT THERE CRYING AND CLINGING TO ME BEGGING FOR YOU! I KNOW YOU FUCKING MESSED SHIT UP." Gilbert shouted angrily.

I sat there still confused. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to go out and comfort Antonio? And if I was how was I supposed to do that? I don't even know him… which makes my situation ten times worse than it ever was before. I did feel like I used to love that guy with all my heart… but something messed that up, something ruined and ripped that love into shreds and now I felt like I need to lash out and scream at Antonio. But I didn't know why. I didn't know why I felt this way. I didn't know why Antonio was so reluctant as to telling me why I was in the hospital. And I wanted so badly to remember. To remember Antonio, and the stupid albino, and my brother… everything.

"Mon Ami!" The Frenchman hissed from the other side of the door. "How dare you speak so harshly to Lovi? He doesn't even know better! He is like a cute innocent baby!" Francis scolded.

"Mom I told you to stay with Antonio." Gilbert snapped and turned to Francis with hands balled into fists.

"Antonio was soiling my shirt with his tears… I can't afford to replace it! It's the only one I have at Toni's place!" Francis pouted. "Plus he wouldn't shut up about Lovi…"

I sighed and stood up. Damn these two couldn't do anything could they? If Antonio had been crying since I made him get out of the room, he had been crying for 3 hours… poor guy… I shook my head, these two were fucking idiots. After about five more minutes of their bickering I finally got sick of them.

"WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP?!" I shouted.

The two idiots stared at me quite surprised and became silent.

"I AM GONNA GO TALK TO THAT BASTARD YOU TWO NEED TO STAY HERE AND OUT OF MY WAY I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON'T STOP BEING SUCH ASS HOLES IN THE NEXT 5 MINUTSE I WILLL PERSONALLY SHOVE YOUR HEADS UP EACHOTHER'S ASSES." I boomed in the silent room.

I stomped out of the room leaving the two idiots in my wake. I paused for a moment outside of the guest room.

"L-little Lovi… d-doesn't love me…" he chanted over and over again, sobbing and rocking back and forth on the bed.

I pushed the door open and stared at Antonio for a long second before sitting next to him on the bed. He stopped rocking back and forth, the room fell into an awkward silence before Antonio's sniffles got louder and louder until he was sobbing uncontrollably. He looked like it pained him to not look at me and not touch me. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, he immediately buried his head in my shirt and sobbed quietly, trying to get his body as close to mine as possible.

"Shhh… I'm sorry… I didn't realize I would hurt you… I'm so sorry…" I whispered into his ear, as soothingly as possible. "I'm so sorry…" I repeated.

"I-It's ok…" Antonio muttered into my chest, still crying lightly.

After what seemed like forever of siting in silence Antonio looked up at me with glossy green eyes. "L-Lovi?" he asked quietly.

I looked down at him and wiped under his eyes were old tears had dried and new tears were gathering. "Yes?" I felt like his goddamn mother, I would have told him off except for the fact he was crying… because of me…

"D-Do you h-hate m-me?" he murmured, more tears welling in his eyes threatening to spill over and onto his cheek.

Fuck this guy was adorable…

"No… why would I hate you? You've been nothing but sweet to me…" I whispered… dammit self! What the hell?! Now you have the guy looking at you like you're a fucking idiot! And look now he is…

He is…

Leaning… In?!

I didn't have time to respond before the fucking bastard pressed his lips on to mine, I hate to admit it… but it felt… right. Fuck I'm getting fucking sappy… shit, but it did! He moved so close to me with ease. His lips were just so warm… I mentally slapped myself and pushed him away lightly. Not really wanting to pull away…

"I-I'm so s-sorry…" he stuttered and moved away from me completely. "It's just that… I keep forgetting you don't know me… you don't love me…"

I shook my head. "Its fine." Damn right its fine! I slapped myself again for that one. "Well… this is stupid." I said looking down at my hands. I could feel his eyes welling with more tears. "I hate not knowing things… you specifically, so tell me everything. It might jog my memory…" a sigh of relief escaped Antonio's lips as he wiped his eyes.

"Your right!" he exclaimed happily and rubbed his eyes before looking at me. "Let's go on a date! I'll tell you everything!"

I gulped, there was two things I was for certain of:

My name is Lovino.

I hate dates…

I sighed desperately hoping he would stop looking at me with such sad green eyes.

"Fine."

**Sorry that was such a short chapter! I promise the next one will be long;)**


End file.
